Article
Are You Leading Assertively, or Just Commanding Compliance?
December 12, 2024
Leadership is not about having all the answers, nor is it about being the loudest voice in the room. Yet, many leaders confuse authority with aggression, mistaking dominance for effectiveness. But let me ask you this: If you weren’t in charge—if your title were stripped away—would people still choose to follow you?
That’s the real test of leadership. It’s not about how many people obey your orders; it’s about how many are inspired to join you in pursuit of a shared vision. Assertiveness—when done right—creates that inspiration. It’s not forceful. It’s not loud. It’s clear, confident, and deeply rooted in respect for others.
Aggression may yield short-term results, but assertiveness builds something far more powerful: trust. So, the question isn’t just whether you’re leading; it’s how. The following blogpost summarizes what our sample of over 200 “Best Leaders” do differently.
All of our conclusions come from our proprietary research and highlights why assertiveness of one of the most important characteristics of outstanding leaders. This comes from the data folks!
1. Assertiveness Starts with Respectful Directness
The best leaders are clear about their expectations, but they’re just as clear about their respect for the people they lead. They don’t shy away from tough conversations, but they approach them with intention. Their words focus on the issue, not the person. They’re not just communicating—they’re connecting.
The strongest leaders aren’t the ones with all the answers—they’re the ones who ask the best questions. Assertiveness isn’t about dominating the conversation; it’s about creating space for dialogue. It’s about being confident enough to listen, even when the feedback is uncomfortable.
Key Takeaway: Feedback and dialogue are not threats to assertiveness; they’re essential elements of it. Leaders who create space for collaboration and debate cultivate innovation and build trust through inclusion. 3. Consistency and Fairness Build Foundations of Trust
Leadership thrives on consistency. When people know what to expect from you—when your principles guide your actions—you create a foundation of trust. Assertiveness requires that your words and actions align every single time.
Key Takeaway: Fairness and consistency are the bedrock of assertiveness. Leaders who are predictable in their principles and actions foster loyalty and trust, creating stability in their teams. 4. Emotional Intelligence: The Unsung Hero of Assertiveness Assertive leaders know that the way you say something is just as important as what you say. Emotional intelligence allows them to navigate sensitive issues with tact and empathy, ensuring their words land with impact—not injury.
Key Takeaway: Emotional intelligence transforms assertiveness into a tool for connection. By balancing honesty with empathy, leaders ensure their communication motivates rather than alienates. 5. Assertive Leaders Are Clear and Honest
Clarity is a gift. Assertive leaders ensure their teams always know where they stand and what’s expected. They eliminate guesswork, replacing it with straightforward communication and actionable feedback.
Key Takeaway: Honesty and clarity are non-negotiable for assertive leaders. By eliminating ambiguity and owning mistakes, they build credibility and foster a culture of accountability. 6. Confidence Without Arrogance Inspires Loyalty
True confidence is quiet, steady, and inclusive. Assertive leaders inspire loyalty because they lead with competence, not arrogance. They make decisions with conviction, but they never belittle or dismiss others.
The Big Question: Are You Inspiring or Intimidating?
Aggression may push people to act, but assertiveness inspires them to excel. When you lead with respect, clarity, and confidence, you create a culture of trust and collaboration—one where people don’t just work for you; they work with you. So, which kind of leader are you? Share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s rethink leadership together.
That’s the real test of leadership. It’s not about how many people obey your orders; it’s about how many are inspired to join you in pursuit of a shared vision. Assertiveness—when done right—creates that inspiration. It’s not forceful. It’s not loud. It’s clear, confident, and deeply rooted in respect for others.
Aggression may yield short-term results, but assertiveness builds something far more powerful: trust. So, the question isn’t just whether you’re leading; it’s how. The following blogpost summarizes what our sample of over 200 “Best Leaders” do differently.
All of our conclusions come from our proprietary research and highlights why assertiveness of one of the most important characteristics of outstanding leaders. This comes from the data folks!
1. Assertiveness Starts with Respectful Directness
The best leaders are clear about their expectations, but they’re just as clear about their respect for the people they lead. They don’t shy away from tough conversations, but they approach them with intention. Their words focus on the issue, not the person. They’re not just communicating—they’re connecting.
- Clarity Without Hostility: Consider this: A leader calmly says, “This project is falling behind schedule—what do you need to get back on track?” Compare that to someone snapping, “Why isn’t this done yet?” One creates alignment; the other creates anxiety. A team member once shared about their leader, “They never leave anyone guessing, but they never make you feel small.” That’s the kind of clarity that inspires trust.
- Respect for Boundaries: Assertive leaders respect the people around them. I’ve seen leaders start conversations with, “How’s your workload? Can we discuss balancing this priority with your other responsibilities?” Feedback often highlights leaders who “make requests in a way that respects others’ boundaries and capacities,” which builds mutual respect.
- Proactive, Not Reactive:
Leaders who practice assertiveness address problems before they escalate. I worked with one executive who often said, “Let’s address this issue now so it doesn’t become a bigger challenge later.” Their team appreciated this proactive approach, saying, “They’re always upfront, but never in a way that makes you feel blamed.”
The strongest leaders aren’t the ones with all the answers—they’re the ones who ask the best questions. Assertiveness isn’t about dominating the conversation; it’s about creating space for dialogue. It’s about being confident enough to listen, even when the feedback is uncomfortable.
- Active Listening: Assertive leaders don’t just listen to words; they listen for meaning. I’ve seen leaders paraphrase feedback like, “If I’m hearing you correctly, you’re saying we need to adjust the timeline to maintain quality. Let’s dig into that.” Team members praised this approach, saying, “They’re upfront but considerate of everyone’s perspectives.”
- Encourage Constructive Debate: Great leaders understand that disagreement is a sign of engagement, not rebellion. I’ve observed leaders say, “I love that you see it differently—how can we use your perspective to strengthen our approach?” Comments described them as “transparent and open to diverse ideas,” which fostered innovation and trust.
- Adapt Decision-Making: Assertive leaders are confident enough to change course when better ideas emerge. One leader I coached responded to their team’s suggestion by saying, “I hadn’t considered that—let’s pivot and incorporate it.” Feedback described them as “decisive yet flexible,” a hallmark of trust-building leadership.
Key Takeaway: Feedback and dialogue are not threats to assertiveness; they’re essential elements of it. Leaders who create space for collaboration and debate cultivate innovation and build trust through inclusion. 3. Consistency and Fairness Build Foundations of Trust
Leadership thrives on consistency. When people know what to expect from you—when your principles guide your actions—you create a foundation of trust. Assertiveness requires that your words and actions align every single time.
- Fair Application of Rules: Leaders who are assertive apply standards consistently while adapting to individual circumstances. I’ve seen executives explain, “We’re making adjustments for specific challenges, but the overall goals remain the same.” Teams described them as “fair and respectful, which builds trust across the board.”
- Transparency in Decision-Making: Assertiveness means being clear about the “why” behind decisions. During a restructuring, one leader told their team, “Here’s why this is necessary and how it aligns with our long-term goals.” The response? Respect and understanding. Employees appreciate leaders who “deliver tough news professionally and transparently.”
- Predictability in Behavior: Consistency is calming. I’ve observed leaders who address issues promptly and fairly, earning their teams’ loyalty. One team member said, “You always know where you stand with them—it’s refreshing and builds confidence.”
Key Takeaway: Fairness and consistency are the bedrock of assertiveness. Leaders who are predictable in their principles and actions foster loyalty and trust, creating stability in their teams. 4. Emotional Intelligence: The Unsung Hero of Assertiveness Assertive leaders know that the way you say something is just as important as what you say. Emotional intelligence allows them to navigate sensitive issues with tact and empathy, ensuring their words land with impact—not injury.
- Reading the Room: Emotionally intelligent leaders observe body language and adjust accordingly. I saw one leader pause mid-discussion to address a quiet team member, saying, “You seem concerned—can we explore that?” Feedback highlighted leaders who “address issues respectfully without ignoring individual concerns.”
- Empathetic Framing: When delivering difficult feedback, assertive leaders balance honesty with care. They might say, “Your effort is clear, and I think we can take it even further by focusing on X.” Team members described such leaders as “assertive but never overbearing.”
- Tactful Responses: Leaders who respect their teams redirect conversations constructively. For example, one leader reframed a suggestion by saying, “That’s an interesting idea—let’s adapt it to fit our strategy.” Teams praised leaders who “separate people from issues and focus on solutions.”
Key Takeaway: Emotional intelligence transforms assertiveness into a tool for connection. By balancing honesty with empathy, leaders ensure their communication motivates rather than alienates. 5. Assertive Leaders Are Clear and Honest
Clarity is a gift. Assertive leaders ensure their teams always know where they stand and what’s expected. They eliminate guesswork, replacing it with straightforward communication and actionable feedback.
- Direct Feedback: Leaders who deliver specific, actionable feedback build confidence in their teams. One executive said, “Your data presentation was solid, but let’s make the visuals more engaging next time.” Teams described these leaders as “clear, direct, and respectful.”
- Transparent Expectations: Assertive leaders leave no room for ambiguity. They say things like, “Our goal is a 10% increase this quarter, and here’s how we’ll get there.” Feedback praised leaders who “provide straightforward guidance that eliminates confusion.”
- Admit Mistakes: Great leaders own their mistakes, modeling accountability. One leader told their team, “I should’ve handled this better—let’s adjust and move forward.” This humility earned their team’s trust and respect.
Key Takeaway: Honesty and clarity are non-negotiable for assertive leaders. By eliminating ambiguity and owning mistakes, they build credibility and foster a culture of accountability. 6. Confidence Without Arrogance Inspires Loyalty
True confidence is quiet, steady, and inclusive. Assertive leaders inspire loyalty because they lead with competence, not arrogance. They make decisions with conviction, but they never belittle or dismiss others.
- Firm, Yet Humble: Confident leaders assert their views while inviting input: “Here’s what I’m proposing—what’s your perspective?” Teams respect leaders who balance decisiveness with humility.
- Focus on Collaboration: Leaders who say, “We’ll achieve this together,” foster ownership and engagement. Feedback described them as “assertive but collaborative, which strengthens team dynamics.”
- Grace Under Pressure: In high-stress moments, assertive leaders remain calm and composed. One executive said, “We’ve faced bigger challenges before—we can handle this.” Their steady demeanor inspired confidence and focus within their team.
- Key Takeaway: Confidence becomes arrogance when it excludes others. Assertive leaders build loyalty by combining decisiveness with humility, ensuring everyone feels empowered to contribute.
The Big Question: Are You Inspiring or Intimidating?
Aggression may push people to act, but assertiveness inspires them to excel. When you lead with respect, clarity, and confidence, you create a culture of trust and collaboration—one where people don’t just work for you; they work with you. So, which kind of leader are you? Share your thoughts in the comments. Let’s rethink leadership together.
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Founders often carry a mythic aura, celebrated for their vision, charisma, and relentless drive. They are the bold risk-takers who disrupt industries, change lives, and will entire markets into existence. These narratives—as addictive as they are—often lead to an unfortunate misconception: that sheer genius is enough to scale a startup. It isn’t. Vision alone might get you through the knife-fight phase of a startup’s life, but when it’s time to scale, your brilliance can become a bottleneck. Founders who cling to the illusion that they can power through scaling challenges with charisma and creativity often fail spectacularly. This blog is a wake-up call for founders, potential founders, failed founders, and investors alike: genius alone will not carry you to the finish line. What separates the startups that thrive from those that crumble is not brilliance but the ability to build enduring systems, structures, and processes. Let’s dispel the myths and explore the unseen and often unglamorous work that founders need to master if they hope to turn a scrappy startup into a billion-dollar business. Myth 1: Vision Is Everything Most founders are natural Visionary Evangelists. They see around corners, spot market opportunities, and inspire teams with their bold ideas. Investors bet on these qualities, and for good reason: vision is what ignites the startup engine. But as the company grows, the same traits that propelled its early success can become liabilities. Vision without structure leads to chaos. Founders can’t just "will" their companies to scale. At some point, the organization’s complexity will outstrip the founder’s ability to manage it. The lack of clear systems and processes creates bottlenecks, frustrates teams, and erodes trust. Reality Check: Vision is critical, but it’s not a substitute for operational rigor. Scaling requires founders to translate their big ideas into actionable, repeatable systems. Without this bridge between strategy and execution, even the most promising startups will stall. Myth 2: The Founder’s Hustle Will Carry the Team In the early days, startups thrive on heroic efforts. Founders wear multiple hats, pulling all-nighters and stepping in wherever there’s a gap. This scrappy hustle becomes a badge of honor, an identity. But as the team grows, this approach becomes unsustainable and even destructive. Here’s the problem: many founders struggle to let go. They micromanage, make unilateral decisions, and refuse to delegate. Why? Because they’ve convinced themselves that no one else can match their passion or capability. This creates a toxic dynamic where the founder becomes the bottleneck, stalling progress and demoralizing their team. Reality Check: Hustle is not a scalable strategy. Founders must transition from being the hero to being the architect of systems that empower others to execute effectively. This means delegating, coaching, and trusting their team to own outcomes. Myth 3: Startups Should Avoid Bureaucracy The word “bureaucracy” sends chills down the spines of most founders. Isn’t the whole point of a startup to move fast and break things? Isn’t bureaucracy the enemy of innovation? Not exactly. While startups should avoid unnecessary red tape, the absence of structure often leads to inefficiency and burnout. Teams waste time reinventing the wheel because there’s no documented process. Priorities shift on a whim, leaving employees confused and disengaged. Founders who reject all forms of process in the name of agility often end up with chaos instead of speed. Reality Check: Scaling startups need “just enough” process to provide clarity and direction. Think of processes as guardrails, not handcuffs. They should enable agility, not stifle it. Myth 4: Scaling Is About Adding More Resources When startups hit growing pains, the instinctive reaction is to throw more resources at the problem: hire more people, buy better tools, raise more money. While these are sometimes necessary, they’re rarely sufficient. Scaling isn’t just about doing more; it’s about doing better. Consider this: doubling your team without clear systems in place will only amplify inefficiencies. Throwing money at problems without solving root causes leads to waste. Founders who equate scaling with “more” often find themselves with bloated organizations that are slow and unprofitable. Reality Check: Scaling is about improving efficiency and effectiveness. Before adding more resources, founders need to optimize their existing processes to handle greater complexity. What Successful Founders Do Differently So, what separates the founders who successfully scale their startups from those who don’t? Here are the key actions they take: 1. Re-engineer Inefficient Processes Successful founders don’t just patch over inefficiencies; they dig deep to redesign broken systems. They prioritize scalability from the start, asking questions like: “Can this process handle 10x growth?” If the answer is no, they fix it. 2. Shift from Doer to Leader Founders who scale learn to let go of day-to-day tasks and focus on strategic leadership. This means empowering their team to own decisions and outcomes while providing clear guidance and support. 3. Invest in People and Culture Scaling isn’t just about systems; it’s also about people. Great founders invest in hiring top talent, developing their team’s capabilities, and creating a culture that aligns with their values and vision. 4. Embrace Feedback and Adaptation Scaling is a messy process that requires constant iteration. Founders who thrive are those who actively seek feedback from their team, customers, and investors—and use it to refine their approach. 5. Build Operational Discipline This is where many founders falter. Operational discipline means setting clear goals, tracking progress, and holding people accountable. It’s about creating a rhythm of execution that ensures the company delivers on its promises. A Challenge to Founders If you’re a founder, ask yourself: Are you still trying to do everything yourself? Do your teams know their priorities, or are they constantly scrambling to figure out what matters most? Are your processes built to scale, or are you just winging it? Be honest. The answers to these questions will reveal whether you’re truly ready to scale your company or if you’re standing in your own way. For potential founders: Don’t romanticize the hustle. Building a startup requires more than just a big idea and hard work. Be prepared to master the unsexy, behind-the-scenes work of creating systems and structures that enable growth. For failed founders: Reflect on where things went wrong. Was it a lack of vision, or was it the inability to scale operations? Use those lessons to rebuild stronger. For investors: Stop glorifying the lone genius. Look for founders who are not just visionary but disciplined in execution. Invest in those who are willing to grow alongside their companies. The Takeaway Scaling is not a magical process that happens when you raise enough money or hire enough people. It’s a deliberate, disciplined effort to build the systems, structures, and processes that allow your company to grow sustainably. Vision might light the fire, but operational excellence keeps it burning. For founders willing to do the hard work, the rewards are immense. The ability to scale beyond genius is what separates the unicorns from the also-rans. The question is: are you ready to put in the work?
In a recent Founders Keepers newsletter entitled “When Their Moral Compass Fails, Leaders Fail: How Greed, Power, and Pressure Can Destroy Founders” I discussed how the pressure of investor demands, and the corrosive effects of power and greed can erode a founder’s moral compass. These challenges are not limited to startup founders; they affect leaders across all industries. However, our research on nearly 2,000 executives, including the top 200 leaders who emerged as the “best” based on 360-degree feedback ratings, provides a critical insight: the best leaders are unwavering models of integrity and values. This is not just an ideal to aspire to—it’s a requirement for sustainable success. When leaders prioritize integrity and live by a clear set of values, they build trust, inspire their teams, and create a foundation for enduring impact. This post will delve into what it means to lead with integrity, how the best leaders embody these principles, and actionable steps you can take to align with these ideals. Integrity: The Cornerstone of Leadership Integrity in leadership is about much more than honesty. It encompasses consistency between words and actions, ethical decision-making, and a commitment to doing what is right, even in the face of adversity. Leaders with integrity act as a moral compass for their organizations, guiding decisions and behavior through a clear ethical lens. Our research on the best leaders revealed several defining characteristics of integrity in leadership: Consistency in Actions and Words: The best leaders “walk the talk,” ensuring their actions align with their stated values. This predictability fosters trust and reduces organizational uncertainty. Ethical Decision-Making: These leaders prioritize ethical considerations, making decisions that align with their values rather than taking shortcuts for short-term gains. Accountability: They own their mistakes, modeling humility and responsibility for their teams. Take Howard Schultz, the former CEO of Starbucks, as an example. Schultz demonstrated integrity by prioritizing ethical sourcing, offering healthcare benefits to part-time employees, and fostering a culture of respect and inclusion. His leadership not only built a globally respected brand but also created an environment where employees felt valued, and customers felt connected to the company’s mission. According to a comprehensive review of the literature, leaders who demonstrate integrity cultivate stronger trust among their teams, improve morale, and enhance overall organizational performance. The ripple effects of their behavior extend to organizational reputation, customer loyalty, and financial success. Values as the Leader’s Guiding Light Values are the principles that define what is most important to an individual or organization. For leaders, values serve as a decision-making framework, shaping their behavior and influencing their teams. Leaders who model and promote core values create a strong organizational culture where employees feel aligned and inspired. In our study of the best leaders, the following behaviors stood out: Leading by Example: The best leaders don’t just articulate values; they embody them. Their behavior demonstrates the standards they expect from others. High Standards of Conduct: These leaders maintain impeccable personal and professional standards, setting a tone that permeates their teams and organizations. Promoting Organizational Values: By aligning their behavior with the organization’s mission and vision, these leaders reinforce the importance of shared values. Brian Chesky, CEO of Airbnb, exemplified these principles during the COVID-19 pandemic. Faced with difficult decisions, Chesky ensured that laid-off employees received generous severance packages and career support. His transparent and empathetic approach reinforced Airbnb’s values and preserved the company’s reputation during a challenging time. The literature supports these findings, emphasizing that when leaders align personal and organizational values, it leads to increased job satisfaction, higher productivity, and reduced turnover. Trust: The Currency of Leadership Integrity and values contribute to the most critical currency a leader possesses: trust. Leaders who consistently demonstrate integrity earn the confidence of their employees, stakeholders, and customers. This trust forms the foundation of effective collaboration, open communication, and organizational resilience. Our research showed that trust was a hallmark of the best leaders. They were described as dependable, reliable, and fair. Their actions consistently reflected their commitments, which inspired loyalty and respect. Paul Polman, former CEO of Unilever, is a shining example of how integrity builds trust. Polman led Unilever with a focus on sustainability and social responsibility, proving that profitability and ethical practices can coexist. His leadership attracted like-minded stakeholders, enhanced the company’s reputation, and set a benchmark for ethical corporate governance. Building trust, however, is not a one-time effort. It requires continuous reinforcement through ethical behavior, transparency, and accountability. As one executive in our study remarked, “Trust takes years to build, seconds to break, and forever to repair.” The Downside of Losing Integrity The stakes for leaders who fail to model integrity are high. Our review of business failures, including infamous cases like Enron and Theranos, highlights how a lack of ethical leadership can lead to catastrophic outcomes. Leaders who compromise their values for short-term gains risk not only their reputations but also the viability of their organizations. The Enron scandal was rooted in accounting fraud and ethical violations by top executives who prioritized personal gain over organizational integrity. Similarly, Elizabeth Holmes of Theranos allowed ambition to override honesty, leading to the downfall of a once-promising company. These examples underscore the importance of ethical leadership in avoiding reputational and financial disaster. Expanding the Legacy: The Ripple Effects of Integrity Leaders who model integrity extend their influence far beyond their immediate teams. They create a ripple effect that shapes organizational culture, industry standards, and even societal expectations. A consistent pattern in our research is that ethical leaders inspire ethical behavior at all levels of the organization, amplifying their impact. For instance, Satya Nadella’s leadership at Microsoft has transformed the company culture from one of cutthroat competition to collaboration and innovation. By prioritizing empathy, inclusion, and a growth mindset, Nadella has demonstrated how values-driven leadership can rejuvenate a global organization and inspire employees worldwide. This ripple effect is not accidental; it requires intentional effort to embed integrity into every aspect of leadership. Leaders must ask themselves: How can I ensure my values are reflected in the decisions I make, the systems I design, and the culture I cultivate? Actionable Steps for Leading with Integrity So, how can leaders ensure they remain models of values in the face of challenges? Here are actionable strategies based on our research and the broader literature: Clarify Your Core Values: Take time to reflect on your principles and create a personal mission statement. Ensure your values align with your organization’s mission. Lead by Example: Demonstrate your values through consistent actions. Be the behavior you wish to see in your team. Be Transparent: Openly communicate your decisions and the values guiding them. Transparency builds trust and accountability. Own Your Mistakes: When you fall short, acknowledge it. Use failures as an opportunity to model humility and resilience. Seek Feedback: Regularly solicit input from your team to understand how your behavior aligns with your values. This fosters self-awareness and continuous improvement. Promote Organizational Values: Reinforce the importance of shared values by embedding them into your organization’s culture and decision-making processes. Practice Ethical Decision-Making: Develop a habit of evaluating decisions through an ethical lens. Ask yourself how your choices align with your values and their impact on others. Amplify Your Influence: Leverage your position to mentor others, advocate for ethical practices, and inspire your industry to prioritize integrity. An Inspiring Legacy The best leaders are not only successful but also admired for their integrity and values. Their influence extends beyond organizational performance to leave a lasting legacy of trust, inspiration, and ethical conduct. As leaders, we must constantly ask ourselves: What kind of legacy are we building? In the words of one of the best leaders from our study, “Leadership isn’t about being in charge; it’s about taking care of those in your charge.” By prioritizing integrity and living by our values, we can inspire those around us and build organizations that stand the test of time. As you reflect on this, revisit the challenges I outlined in Founders Keepers —the pressures, greed, and power that can erode integrity. Let this serve as a reminder to stay grounded in your values and lead with unwavering commitment to what is right. Success is fleeting, but integrity endures.
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